tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC December 5, 2012 12:00am-1:05am PST
well, hello little boy, what would you like for christmas? >> i want a bunch of stuff and you better give it to me, i have a list for you, okay? >> oh, boy. >> i want some nikkei none headphones, a power drill, a -- >> a what? >> a deluxe bundle, sport video games, and some cheese balls and the i want them now. >> jimmy: i'm afraid that i see you're on the naughty list so i won't be able to give you any of those things this year. but walmart is america easily gift headquarters so they've got all that stuff on your list covered and more at everyday low prices so i suggest you get off my lap and tell your mommy to take you there, okay? >> no, i'm not getting off till i get a present. >> jimmy: i'll give you whatever you want, stop bouncing. please bring in the present! >> merry christmas! >> jimmy: merry christmas.
i love you, santa. >> jimmy: i love you, too. now, get off me. >> dicky: save money, live better at america's gift headquarters, walmart. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our co-executive producer, jason, who surprised me by dressing as an elf. "jimmy kimmel live" back in two minutes, with david letterman and music from vampire weekend. ♪ ptop for less. let's go. dell 14" ultrabook. over $250 less than best buy. $250??!! with 2 gigs more memory! oh my gosh! and -- you get a $100 gift card. wow! chaching. see for yourself if you could save on the laptops you want. [ earl ] get this season's hottest brands -- like the dell ultrabook and receive a $100 gift card and when you make an electronics purchase of $599 or more on your walmart credit card, get no interest if paid in full within 24 months. america's gift headquarters. walmart. [ male announcer ] yep, there's 8 layers of whole grain fiber in those mini-wheats® biscuits...
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>> jimmy: hey, everybody, how you doing? well, that's very nice. hello, brooklyn. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. [ cheers and applause ] very happy to be here with you. thank you. thank you. that's very nice. [ cheers and applause ] you're very kind. i appreciate it. but -- i want you to -- i'd like you to be honest with me. how many of you -- how many of you are here for the electricity? [ cheers and applause ] that's what i figured. well, thank you for coming. it's our second night of a week of shows from the harvey theater at the brooklyn academy of music.
i moved away from brooklyn 35 years ago when i was 9. it hasn't changed that much. same vegan bakeries, same toddlers drinking baby chinos in $2,000 strollers. it's really the same place. we had great sandwiches today. where did the sandwiches come from? oh, yeah, the milan deli. that was good. [ cheers and applause ] maybe the best part of being in brooklyn during a hurricane, if you go outside and open your mouth, there's a pretty good chance a corned beef sandwich will blow into it. [ laughter ] more than 6 million people in the tri-state area still don't have power. statuses haven't been updated. faces have not been booked. my uncle tony and aunt joann lost power and my parents are staying with them. so, this is what my uncle did today. he hooked a multiplug extension cord into his cigarette lighter so he could charge all their phones at once. it was either that or buy three more cars. and they figured it was cheaper
that way. they say it's good to rig your own electrical outlets when the floodwaters get above three feet. some of the damage i've seen on the local news is unbelievable, especially in new jersey. some parts of new jersey have been so completely rearranged that apple maps is now actually right. [ laughter ] [ applause ] it does seem like -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you. like the government is on top of things. government seems to be doing a good job, although you'll never guess who criticized president obama. do you remember michael brown? heck of a job brownie, michael brown? the former director of fema who was forced to resign after hurricane katrina. on monday, he criticized the president. he said obama may have acted too quickly. [ laughter ] instead of taking the wait and do nothing approach that worked so well during katrina. that is an interesting point coming from a former fema director and current applebee's employee of the week. [ laughter and applause ] things seem to be getting back on track here in new york. limited subway service is
scheduled to resume tomorrow at 6:00 a.m. the mta is letting people ride the bus for free, which -- [ cheers and applause ] very good news. people don't have to be anywhere any time soon. make no mistake. no bus ride in new york is ever free. there is always a price that will be paid. [ laughter ] mayor bloomberg announced that all cars coming into new york city via the bridge must have a minimum of three people in them. unless one of the people is very, very fat, in which case, two people but no sodas. [ laughter ] to me, i think the best sign that we're recovering from the hurricane is the fact that this morning, george stephanopoulos was discussing last night's shocking elimination of sabrina bryan from "dancing with the stars." i think that means the worst is behind us. unless you're louis van amstel, then the worst is still ahead of you. unfortunately, the brooklyn nets had to cancel their big home opener against the knicks tomorrow night, at the new barclay center, down the block.
good news is, if the nets can keep this up for eight more months, could have their first undefeated season. [ cheers and applause ] and then, the kardashians will be rolling in. i want to wish everyone here a happy halloween. in case you hadn't noticed, tonight, i am dressed as a slutty talk show host. [ laughter ] i see a guy here in our audience who is dressed exactly like brooklyn borough president marty markowitz. [ cheers and applause ] he looks -- incredible costume. halloween is -- [ applause ] the one night of the year in brooklyn when you can't tell if someone is an ironic hipster or dressed up as an ironic hipster to be ironic. this is a great costume. if you are a parent of a young child, halloween is essentially over for you because it is impossible to get a babysitter. on halloween. but look at this. this guy did something ingenious. as you will see here as he gets closer to us, he has integrated his actual baby into his costume.
he built a replica of the machine that sigourney weaver wore in the movie "alien." giant robot baby bjorn. you know what? there's a storm. people have time on their hands. this is what happens. we did something fun on the show for halloween last year. last halloween, i asked parents to play a trick on their kids. i asked them to tell the kids that they ate all their halloween candy. it became a very popular viral video, probably the most popular of all the kids that fell victim were two brothers from long island named c.j. and jake. >> i ate all your candy. you have no more halloween candy left. >> what? >> she ate it. what the heck? >> mom. >> did you see how much i had? i went to a lot of houses. >> i know. i ate it all. it tasted so good. especially the peanut butter cups.
>> you sneaky mom. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: 33 million people have watched that on youtube so far. [ cheers and applause ] and i have a surprise for you. c.j. and jake are here with us tonight. come on out, guys. where are they? [ cheers and applause ] oh, look at this. how are you? what's happening? how you doing, buddy? who are you guys dressed as? >> mario. >> who are you dressed as? >> i'm luigi and he's mario. >> jimmy: luigi and mario. what happened to your moustache? did you guys like the trick your mom played on you last year? >> yes. >> jimmy: you did? >> it was funny. >> jimmy: at first you were mad, though, right? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: you can take that off. you know what would be good? hold on. i'm going to make you into my friend adam carolla. [ laughter and applause ]
so i was wondering. do you guys think we should have people play it on other kids this year? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yes, that would be funny, right? yes? yes? do you still call your mom sneaky mom? >> no. >> jimmy: no? so, parents, tomorrow morning, you know what to do. tape yourself telling your kid you ate all their halloween candy. and post your video to youtube with the title, hey jimmy gym meal i told my kid i ate all their halloween candy again. and make sure to check your e-mail and your youtube account for a message from us because we have to contact you. and then, we'll show the best reactions on the show. who knows? your kids could be the next c.j. and jake. by the way, i have something for you guys. guillermo? where's guillermo? guillermo, come on out here. [ cheers and applause ] look at this. you probably had a lot of halloween candy. so, i got you each a basket of carrots. do you like carrots? >> no. >> jimmy: you don't? all right. well -- give them some rabbits or something, okay?
c.j. and jake, everybody. happy halloween, guys. good to see you. ruined his night again. [ applause ] c.j. and jake's parents are there. hey, do you think you could pull this prank on them again? do you think they'll fall for it if you do it to them one more time? >> ah, no, i think this one's run its course. >> jimmy: they're on to us? sorry, guys. we'll get you some candy, don't worry. i'm very good at making kids cry, it turns out. you know, a lot of kids on the east coast didn't get a chance to trick or treat tonight. in fact, because of hurricane sandy, new jersey governor chris christie actually cancelled halloween. he tweeted this today. he said, it's just not safe yet to be out trick or treating. so, halloween has officially been postponed until monday. does he really have the authority to -- [ laughter ] -- cancel halloween? this seems very suspicious to me. especially considering the fact that he just posted this photograph on instagram.
[ laughter and applause ] i believe he wants all the candy for himself. i'm sure you'll all be happy to know that even though many homes on the jersey shore were destroyed this week, the one that snooki and jwoww lived in is fine. the "jersey shore" house survived the hurricane. unfortunately, so did "the real housewives of new jersey." they're all okay. god had one chance and he blew it. [ laughter ] you guys are here on a big night for me personally. i'm excited and nervous tonight because david letterman is here. [ cheers and applause ] i -- i love david letterman. and -- i've been on his show a bunch of times. but he's never been here on my show so, i hope you'll excuse me if i vomit at some point tonight. before we get to dave, as you know, the election is less than a week away now. and if the polls are to be believed, this thing seems to be about even. but the one demographic in which the president has a huge lead is
among african-american voters. black voters overwhelmingly support president obama -- [ cheers and applause ] which, as you can see -- it makes sense but it also made me wonder if there's anything mitt romney can do to turn that around. even if he were to get 30% of the african-american vote he could win this. so, since we are in brooklyn, i stopped into levels barbershop on fulton street -- [ applause ] to ask the guys there if they have any advice for mitt romney how we can win their support and here's how that went. >> hey! >> jimmy: how you guys doing? what's going on? that's right. i think this is called representing. >> no question. >> little bit. little bit. >> jimmy: should i take a seat? >> right here, yeah. >> jimmy: all right. all right. how is business? >> good, now that you're here. >> jimmy: so, i'm here for a reason, not just to get my hair cut. but i wanted to ask you guys
some political questions. barack obama is winning the african-american vote by a margin of 94% to 3%. >> no kidding. >> jimmy: okay? so, the question i want to ask you is, what do you think mitt romney can do to get more of the black vote? >> turn black. >> he is drop out the race. >> jimmy: how many of you are planning to vote? >> we all are. >> jimmy: you all are? >> you're not? >> i can't right now. due to circumstances. in a couple years, i'll be all right. >> jimmy: so, mitt's not worried about you? >> nah. >> jimmy: quick show of hands. how many of you are mormon? really? [ laughter ] so, mitt romney said that his personal vice is chocolate milk. does that make you feel -- is that something? >> no, not at all. >> most black people are lactose
intolerant. so, that's not even going to work. >> jimmy: is that true? >> it's very true. >> jimmy: really? what percent would you guess? >> show of hands. >> jimmy: black-tose intolerant? if you will. >> that's good. >> jimmy: you guys have nicknames, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what's your nickname? >> zo mega million. >> jimmy: how about you? >> big city. >> edward scissor hands. >> visine. >> jimmy: why visine? >> what does it do? >> jimmy: it clears up your eyes when you're high? [ laughter ] >> that, too. that, too. >> jimmy: you better get out of here. from a barber's perspective, what do you think of mitt romney's hair? >> decent. >> i don't like it. >> jimmy: look at you. [ laughter ] who is the best barber in the room? >> we all are. >> we all are. >> jimmy: it's got to be him. his teeth are made of gold.
let's go over some statements and you rate these on a scale of one to ten. okay? um -- i like mitt romney. >> one. >> one. >> zero. >> jimmy: okay. mitt romney represents my values. >> zero. >> jimmy: mitt romney has mad flava. >> zero. >> jimmy: mitt romney is my boo. >> zero. >> jimmy: again, it's one to ten. but i'll take the zero. so, it seems like he's not going to get any of your votes or any of the votes of any of your friends. >> only if he was on "survivor" and we voted him off the island. >> jimmy: then he would get your vote? >> only vote he'd get. >> jimmy: this has been very educational. i have a feeling the romney camp and future republican candidates are going to study this videotape to figure out where they went wrong. or maybe they won't at all. thanks, again, for the hair cut. i sit here for nothing. what goes on in this place? >> come on, man.
>> you talk too much. we didn't get a chance to cut your hair. >> jimmy: i know, you're right. you're right. i'm sorry. >> you can still pay for the cut, though. >> jimmy: thank you. now you're talking like a republican. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thanks to the guys at levels. i'm taking them all back to l.a. tonight on the show, it's a big one. we're in brooklyn tonight. we have music from vampire weekend. and we'll be right back with david letterman. so, stick around. [ cheers and applause ] sfx: doorbell i'm here to snake the drain. i'm here to flush the pipe. vo: liquid plumr double impact has a long snake that reaches deep in the pipe to grab the toughest clogs, and a powerful gel to finish off the rest. baby. liquid plumr double impact.
[ male announcer ] yep, there's 8 layers of whole grain fiber in those mini-wheats® biscuits... to help keep you full... ♪ 45 bushels of wheat on the farm. 45 bushels of wheat! ♪ ...all morning long. there's a big breakfast... [ mini ] yeehaw! ...in those fun little biscuits. there's a big breakfast... [ mini ] yeehaw!
welcome to our home this week, the harvey theater at the brooklyn academy of music. we have a full house. tonight on the program, a local band, who, you know, when you have the word "vampire" in your name, you'll always have to work on halloween. vampire weekend is here with us tonight. tomorrow night on the show, jon stewart and stephen colbert will be here together tomorrow night. and we'll have music from the avett brothers. with the brooklyn philharmonic. so, please join us tomorrow night, too. and i'd like to remind everyone, that if you'd like to help with the hurricane relief effort, you can do it on the web at redcross.org or text redcross to 90999 to make a $10 donation. please do that, or you will almost certainly go to hell. [ applause ] not only is my first guest tonight the main reason i got into television. he is the main reason i got a television. he is the host of "the late show with david letterman." and i am more excited that he is here tonight than i am able to explain. please welcome, mr. rock and roll, david letterman.
[ cheers and applause ] welcome. it's wonderful to have you here. >> great pleasure to be here, thank you. >> jimmy: i'm excited to have you here. a little bit overwhelmed. i would imagine it's similar to when johnny carson was on your show. >> well, when johnny carson was on my show, the big difference was johnny carson really was something and i'm not much of anything. that was the big, big difference. >> jimmy: well, maybe to you. but to me, i mean, for instance, this is a real picture. this is my 18th birthday. here i am with my "late night with david letterman" cake.
this is -- i had a beautiful isuzu car when i was in high school. and that's my little brother. and my license plate said "late night" on it. so, this is serious for me. [ applause ] this could make or break me tonight. [ laughter ] i -- i hope i'm not making you uncomfortable. >> no, i'm fine. i'm more concerned for you. i mean -- did your parents step in when they saw -- [ laughter ] i mean, these are warning signs, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah, that's just the tip of the iceberg. that's just the stuff we were able to get on film. >> oh, my goodness. well, i -- i was telling someone earlier today, in show business, you're not -- one of the precepts is, you're not supposed to be nice to people. >> jimmy: is that right? >> especially if you have the same occupation as another person. jimmy and i do the same thing for a living. jimmy has broken that precept and has been nothing but generous and courteous and kind to me -- >> jimmy: wow.
>> my entire career. [ applause ] >> jimmy: wow, that's nice of you to say. >> and i -- i'll be honest with you, it was troubling. i kept saying to people, why is he sucking up to me? what's in it for him? and then when i was persuaded that there was some measure of stability here, then i really realized that it was genuine. and i couldn't appreciate it more. thank you very much. >> jimmy: that's nice of you. i appreciate it. i'm very excited that you're here. [ applause ] is your house okay? is everything all right at your place? >> i wouldn't say everything is all right. and my god, god bless you for coming here at this time, because we're just now recognizing what has unfolded. and to have you here visiting new york city, i think is a nice thing. and i think it means more now than in other situations. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, rest assured, it was completely unintentional. we just wandered into this thing. >> a lot of people would pack up and go home. they would say, oh, no.
we're going to get our shoes damp. we better get out of here. >> jimmy: well, that's the kind of heroism that i feel i learned from watching you, dave. that quiet, stoic -- >> stoic. that's me. >> jimmy: courage in the face of adversity. is harry trick or treating tonight? >> no. harry decided -- he's not that big a fan of trick or treating. so he's saying -- i don't know what they're doing. they're not trick or treating. i think trick or treating was canceled. i don't know. he's just not that big on -- he likes trick or treating out in the country. in the neighborhoods, you go to the door. but riding in an elevator -- >> jimmy: not the way to do it. >> not prime trick or treating. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. okay. >> so they're staying home. >> jimmy: i like a kid that doesn't like to trick or treat. is that his way? i would imagine that you weren't going to halloween parties and nightclubs and the like when you were a young man. >> why do you say that? >> jimmy: i don't know, just doesn't seem like it's in your character. >> that makes me seem odd.
and you say it's an issue of character. >> jimmy: i think it is an issue of character. i think it's good. i don't like that sort of thing. dave, we're just alike. we would spend a lot of time together. it would be great. yeah it really would. we're just men. it doesn't need to be weird between us. we're both wearing makeup. i mean -- [ laughter ] i see this really working out. >> yeah. i mean, i don't -- i have no idea what you're talking about. but me, too. i think it will work out. >> jimmy: you know what, we're going to take a break here and we'll discuss our future together. >> good idea. >> jimmy: david letterman is here. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: does he know what his father does for a living? >> one of his classmates came up to him, "i know what your father does for a living." "oh, yeah?" "he's ed sullivan." one of those things about being a parent, everybody knows these things, i'm learning them in life, some areas you overdo it, some areas you underdo it. i feel i'm way ahead of things or behind things. in kindergarten they said, we're studying journeys. i don't know if we're talking about symbolic, metaphoric journeys or physical journeys, it makes no sense to me. they said, do you have a story about a journey that you can come in and tell all the kindergarten words? i'm so eager i wanted to help, so i said, yes, i do.
then i had to think of a story. years and years ago, about this time of year, a bear, a black bear, broke into my house in montana. and it happened like at 4:00 in the morning. and i hear stuff banging around out in the kitchen and i thought, i bet somebody's making breakfast, and i went back to sleep. you don't expect to see a bear in your kitchen. >> jimmy: no, rarely. >> but i do expect there may be a slight chance someone is fixing me breakfast. i just automatic -- you never know. so this is the story i tell to the kids and i bring in pictures of the bear, and he had pulled off the refrigerator and he had twisted stuff and bent up the refrigerator and there's pictures of him sleeping next to the baby crib. and it's crazy. and i go through this whole thing talking about the journey the bear made. even i'm not buying it. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and then at the end of the
little presentation we have bear bells that you're supposed to take that will scare away bears. it's never been proven to work but they sell a lot of them. and so we passed out the bear bells. and one little kid at the very end comes up to me, tiny little kid. cutest little kid i've ever laid eyes on. he says, excuse me, mr. letterman. i say, yeah? he says, you ever seen a bunny? yeah. yeah, i have. well, i realize there was no point in me being there whatsoever. >> jimmy: kids don't appreciate anecdotes. >> being there, not being there was just about the same. >> jimmy: i hear about you spending time with these children. do you have friends, do you have like guy friends that you hang out with? >> hm. no, no. >> jimmy: why not? >> i don't know why that is. and i don't think that at this point, certainly not here on this show, we're going to answer
this question. but it's true. i think people don't like me. >> jimmy: i don't think that's the case. >> you have a lot of friends, i'm always hearing about, oh, he had a party and people came over and it was exciting. and i just can't do that. >> jimmy: well, i'll have a party for you. >> i'm not coming. >> jimmy: it will just be me and you, it will be the two of us, we'll have what are you want. >> no. >> jimmy: we'll have pie -- >> yeah, that's right. >> jimmy: you like desserts? >> sounds like the setup to an old joke. >> jimmy: do you fish? do you fly fish? >> i found out that you fly fish. >> jimmy: yes. >> what i know about your fly fishing is you're serious and probably good at it. >> jimmy: i'm not that good at it. i've only done it about 30 times. i'm intermediate level. >> you've only done it about 30 times? >> jimmy: fly fishing. >> wow. >> jimmy: where's anton when we need him? thank you. >> keep him in the thing out there. no, i started about five years ago. >> i'll tell you something, you're better than i am.
because i -- about 30 years ago, more than 30 years ago, tom brokaw, the former anchor, nbc evening -- nightly -- i don't know what they call it. he says, i'm going to teach you to fly fish. and by the way, i don't like activities that require pointers and tips. >> jimmy: right. >> you can either do it or you can't do it. but i don't like a lot of, okay, straighten your elbow, no, no, keep your head down, spread your feet, now straighten your elbow, no, no, keep your head up, no, it's back here, it's 12 to 1, no, it's 12 to 3, you did 12 to 4. that's not going to help me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so tom and i go out to central park, and there's a puddle or something, and we're -- and i couldn't do it. i just couldn't do it. and i didn't care. and then -- and then tom said, you really ought to go to montana. go to montana, go to montana. so finally just to shut tom up i went to montana. and that changed my life.
and started fly fishing. i've been doing it for 30 years and i'm no good at it. and i don't care. i just like standing in the river. >> jimmy: right, exactly. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's all you need. that's what i see us doing, standing in the river, so tom called up one day, let's -- tom talks like this. let's you and me go down to ted turner's place, we'll go fishing. so we go down to the flying vee, 100,000 acre ranch, base of the spanish peaks, 12,000 food mountains. we go to a little creek called cherry creek. and tom goes off with somebody and i go off with somebody. we're different parts of the creek. and ted hops in the the truck and he goes back to the house, ted wants no part of this. ted understands he's not making any money on any aspect of this, he'll just be back in the house trying to get hold of jane. she was long gone at that point.
so now we're fishing and fishing and fishing and i caught three. i caught three and i thought, okay. [ applause ] brokaw in that same period of time claims that he caught 30. >> jimmy: 30? >> 30 in the same period of time to my three. so now we get back to the camp and we're going to have lunch and ted is so desperate to get me off his property. he sits me down. hey, let me help you with that. he sits me down and pulls off my waders. >> jimmy: what? >> he wants me gone. >> jimmy: he undresses you? >> he took my waders off like there was a late fee on them or something. i'll take those. bang, zoom, we were gone. >> jimmy: if you go fishing with me and huey lewis, we'd keep your waders on. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you want your waders on when you sleep? >> i'm not gone, i can't do that. >> jimmy: what about softball? could we maybe start a team? >> no. >> jimmy: wiffleball? >> what is it about your life you find unfulfilled? what can i do for you that you
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: david letterman is here with us. david, i should introduce you to my band leader, cleto and i, we grew up across the street from each other and we would always watch your show together. and now we get to do own our show together. >> it's just -- i'm happy about that. but you just -- i don't know if you get the sense. you do a show night after night after night, you often don't get the sense that it goes anywhere. and so, now, to hear that my show, my early show, had some sort of a life-altering impact, at least on you two. it's remarkable. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, i have a lot of things to ask you. and i want to go through a list very quickly because i am
starting to feel like you will never come back. so -- [ laughter ] >> no, i'll come back. i come to brooklyn all the time. [ cheers and applause ] you know how far away my theater is from this theater in actual miles? seven miles. isn't that remarkable? only seven miles. >> jimmy: how long did it take you to get here tonight? >> hour and 25 minutes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sorry. >> it's all right. >> jimmy: you have an audience on the show tonight? >> hard to tell. [ laughter ] did you enjoy doing the show? because you did an extra night without an audience. >> we did two nights without an audience. and what you learn -- i don't know, i can't speak for you. but for myself, our audience when they come goes through such a regimented indoctrination of how to behave as not just an audience, but as adults in life. [ laughter ] we cover hygiene. we cover grooming. we cover manners. so, then, when you don't have
the audience, what you're immediately aware of is how truly unfunny i am. because what you're getting with no audience is probably the reaction people are having at home, which is -- complete silence. so it was -- it was fascinating. but tonight we had an audience. >> jimmy: when you were on the radio, you didn't feel that way, i assume. when you're on the radio and you're talking to nobody in a room, very quiet and -- >> right. >> jimmy: you just kind of assume that it's going well. >> right. but i'm not getting paid radio money. >> jimmy: are you on facebook? >> ah, no. >> jimmy: do you have e-mail? >> yes. yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: you do? >> we got a color tv, also. >> jimmy: you do? you send out e-mails? >> it's fantastic. >> jimmy: so if i see funny videos i can send those to you? >> no, please don't. no, i have the e-mail and i enjoy it. >> jimmy: you do like it.
do you cook? >> yeah, i cook. >> jimmy: what do you cook? >> what do you want? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> there was a time when i did a lot of cooking and i still enjoy cooking. but i don't anymore. >> jimmy: you don't anymore? >> do you cook? >> jimmy: yeah, a lot. >> what kind of stuff? >> jimmy: i cook barbecue a lot. i make italian food, pizza. >> see, here's the thing. is the barbecue any good? >> jimmy: it's great. >> i'm suspicious of that because people in the audience will back me up on this, i don't care, we can take the average age of the audience, how many times they've had barbecue, how many times it's been great, it's going to be a small number because everybody loves barbecue. if it's not great, you know, don't get the stuff, don't even bring in the animal,. don't take the atom bomb into the desert. >> jimmy: i have a smoker the size of a refrigerator. >> a smoker, yeah. >> jimmy: you'll see it when you come to the house. we're going to have a lot of fun together. i feel like we've made a breakthrough.
>> it is really good? or is it the kind of stuff in the car on the way home, people are saying, ew, how about that barbecue. >> jimmy: people aren't honest when they eat at your house. but i think it's good. i've been told that it's good. guillermo, do you think it's good? >> excellent. >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo. and he's -- well, he is paid to be here, so. his opinion is not as valid -- >> did you used to work for me? >> no, no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: different guy. >> everywhere i've been since i've been here i run into people that used to work for me. >> jimmy: we're taking your secondhand stuff. what can i say? >> oh, no, not secondhand. no, i think you get the prime, my friend. >> jimmy: well, thank you for being here. >> i'm not done yet. >> jimmy: oh, okay. good. >> here's the other thing. they are moving your show to 11:30 in january. >> jimmy: yeah, you're not mad, are you? >> no, no, no. [ cheers and applause ] and i think now we overlap, don't we? >> jimmy: yeah.
>> so, if people want to, they can see this tie right now on your show and see this tie and suit on my show simultaneously. i don't think that's ever been done in television. [ applause ] so -- but anyway, i want to wish you the best of luck when you move the show. i think it will be exciting. i think you're going to be perfect at 11:30. and you and everybody who have worked so hard here at whatever time you're on now, i don't know. who knows when he's on now. >> jimmy: well, thank you. >> i think it's going to be great. i couldn't be happier to have you in the running. >> jimmy: well, that's nice. i really do appreciate that. [ cheers and applause ] and it's great to have you here. really is. david letterman, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] watch him on cbs. we'll be right back with vampire weekend. [ cheers and applause ]
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. here with a new song called "unbelievers," new york's own vampire weekend. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ got a little soul the world is a cold ♪ ♪ cold place to be want a little warmth ♪ ♪ but who's going to save a little warmth for me ♪ ♪ we know the fire awaits unbelievers ♪ ♪ all of the sin is the same girl, you and i ♪ ♪ will die unbelievers bound to
the tracks ♪ ♪ of the train see the snow come down ♪ ♪ it's coming on down from the highest peak ♪ ♪ want a little leaf but who's going to save ♪ ♪ a little leaf for me we know the fire ♪ ♪ awaits unbelievers all of the sin is the same ♪ ♪ girl, you and i will die unbelievers ♪ ♪ bound to the tracks of the train ♪ ♪ i'm not excited but should i be ♪ ♪ is this the fate that half of the world ♪ ♪ has planned for me i know i love you ♪ ♪ and you love the sea but what holy water ♪ ♪ contains a little drop little drop for me ♪ ♪ ♪ see the sun go down it's going
on down ♪ ♪ and the night is deep want a little light ♪ ♪ but who's going to save a little light for me ♪ ♪ we know the fire awaits unbelievers ♪ ♪ all of the sin is the same girl, you and i ♪ ♪ will die unbelievers bound to the tracks ♪ ♪ of the train if we're born again ♪ ♪ i know that the world will disagree ♪ ♪ want a little grace but who's going to say ♪ ♪ a little grace for me we know the fire ♪ ♪ awaits unbelievers all of the sin is the same ♪ ♪ girl, you and i will die unbelievers ♪ ♪ bound to the tracks of the train ♪ ♪ i'm not excited but should i be ♪ ♪ is this the fate that half of the world ♪ ♪ has planned for me i know i love you ♪
♪ and you love the sea but what holy water ♪ ♪ contains a little drop little drop for me ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm not excited but should i be ♪ ♪ is this the fate that half of the world ♪ ♪ has planned for me i know i love you ♪ ♪ and you love the sea but what holy water ♪ ♪ contains a little drop little drop for me ♪